Liz Lemon: Hi, McLovin. A whole week (plus) has gone by since Jason was eliminated and we haven't had a chance to talk about it. I haven't even had time to ask you if you saw me wave this week what with all we've had to cover just to keep current. And all we've been doing is hunting down interviews to post on our site. Can you imagine how harried poor Jason has been this last week? It makes me wonder if this is any indication of how packed their schedule has been while still in the competition. If so, then it's amazing that they ever pull any song together enough to perform it adequately.

I know you've watched all the interviews. Are you sufficiently versed in why Jason has dreads and why he forgot lyrics to a song and whether he said Vote Vote or not? Can you recite these answers in your sleep? At least there have been one or two relevant interviews where we heard something for the fans - something we would have asked ourselves or something that wasn't already patently evident with a small amount of research. And of course there are live performances that trump any interview. Have you learned anything new from this past week? What do you wish someone had asked?

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Liz Lemon: McLovin, this has been a week in bizarro world. Here we managed to keep Jason in the competition but instead of laughing and cheering, the normally laid-back and hilarious community of Castrocopia has become a very angry mob with very harsh words directed at the perpetrators of calumnious villainy. And while that's all understandable, what it's robbing us of is the joy we should be feeling to have our boy make it well past where even we had dared hope to get him. Top 4! That's incredible and we should be celebrating Jason and all of the fans who put him there. I want to say a heartfelt THANK YOU to all the international fans who stayed up til 4 am their time to be able to register votes for Jason. Also thank you to those of you who took the time to install software despite any hurdles you had to overcome getting that done. And a huge thanks to all of you who invested your own money in order to text votes for Jason. All of that adds up. Did you know they had a surge in votes to the tune of 7 million last week? Dare I dream that we had something to do with that?

McLovin: Why not? We had people coming out of the woodwork to get voting information last week. There were probably a lot more that we don't know about, too. And you said it, Lemon -- THANK YOU to everyone who lost sleep/pulled their hair out/alienated spouses to get the vote out last week.

Hope a lot of you were able to catch the "Damage Control" that just occurred on Ryan's radio show on KIIS-FM. It was almost as bad as last night's mess. WTG, AI!!

McLovin: Yikes, Liz Lemon. High or just plain dopey? Nope, not adding to the speculation about Jason. Talking about Paula. And now we can add prescient to Paula's never-ending list of qualities. She felt Jason's second song lacked his typical charm. After they'd only performed once. Did she lose her spot on her script? Thank God Randy was able to keep his place on the page long enough to remind us that it's a SINGING competition (no it's not.) I'm voting my ass off anyway, but I want Jason as far away from these sleazy, slimy, lying, disgusting, underhanded fuckwads as he can get.

Also, good comment of yours in the Live Chat thread:

How could that not throw you off to be told BEFORE you sing that you're going to get thrown under the bus?

McLovin: Much to everyone's surprise - including our own - Jason made it through to the Top 5. Our surprise based totally on how thoroughly AI trounced him, starting with the pre-performance package with the Dumbass Stoner edit: "I didn't know a cat was singing it." Well, he'd already said he'd never seen a stage production of any of ALW's work. Are there any other 21 year olds in the world that possible didn't know that? Zsyah! [/Wayne Campbell]

THEN We got the shitty production values of the performance itself: were they conserving lights because it was Earth Day? Dark and moody is one thing, but they were almost daring the mosh bitchez to bust out their cell phones and wave them around just so they could see. Then it was like they handed a stage camera to one of them, just to capture those hard-to-get shots of the arm-waving and Jason's calf.

McLovin: So, Liz Lemon. How'd you like that bus Jason got tossed in front of tonight? Randy calls Jason's vocals a trainwreck? Dude - by chance did you have your own CD playing over your iPod while Jason was performing? And Simon tells people not to vote for him. Sure he brushes it off with a smarmy speech about democracy and people voting however they like, knowing full well how much weight his words carry with the sheep voters, but that was just fucked up. Oh, and as if the judges' commentary wasn't bad enough, fucking Nigel and his behind-the-scenes production mechanisms suck hard. Did Ryan give Simon the opportunity to tell anyone else not to vote for a particular contestant tonight? Because if he did, I missed it.

McLovin: So, Liz Lemon. Jason made it through Mariah Week, the week that a fair portion of the AI pundits predicted would be his downfall. He won over some reviewers that - as late as last week - STILL didn't get it; and despite that big twat Randy's seven-days-late "luau" comment (Dude - The ukelele was LAST week), he made it through with flying colours. Paula & Simon loved it, the audience loved it, the voters loved it, we loved it -- our Love Llama of Jakarta (biggest Mariah fan EVAH!) loved it.

So what's the poor guy gotta do to get a little respect? AI mindfucks him and us into thinking he's probably NOT safe during most of Wednesday's elimination episode; Andrew Lloyd Webber Week is coming up and that's bound to be a train-wreck - not in our minds, we've been looking forward to it. But in the minds of a lot of the residual naysayers. Can we tell them to fuck off yet? Not that I haven't been doing that already, but srsly -- what's their problem?

Liz Lemon: In this week's continuing saga of a pair of pants that wouldn't quit, the Castro fan base was treated to more jack-assery on the part of the judges, vindication by way of viewer polls, a respite from the mosh pitches, a triumphant so-called comeback, eating of words, PANTS, MOAR PANTS and some sweet sweet validation. It's been a crazy week.

Let's start with Monday and the inanity of the Larry King Live show. Who knew you could be so mad and so glad in the same second about the same statement? When Randy announced he wouldn't sign Jason but would instead opt for Kristy Lee, the Castro community burst out in a kind of strange combination of "ALRIGHT!" and "WTF?" and "FUCK YOU, RANDY!" and "NEENER!" Well, ok, "neener" came later but I wanted to throw it in, just because. Neener, Randy! So let's get to the important question there: WTF?

McLovin: Right? Randy wants to produce Kristy? I didn't realize he hated her so much. Heh. But it's just so irritating that he comes out and says that shit when we're at a point in the competition where it's going to take more than established fan bases to keep the contestants in it, and the huddled masses (of sheep) tend to buy in to what that fucker has to say (why?) The WTF? about the whole thing for me is this: shouldn't CNN - as a matter of journalistic integrity - have had a caption on screen while he was speaking that read "Randy Jackson: His own album blows" to balance the stupidity spewing from his lips?

Liz Lemon: McLovin, if I could talk to Jason, I think I would tell him, gently, that he's got at best a 4th place finish in him - depending on how he falls out with Michael Johns. I don't know who votes for the girls in this race but I do think he can beat them all provided he starts thinking strategically about it. I would also tell him honestly that he should consider himself at risk every week for real. Not like the "anybody can go at any time" spiel. He's really vulnerable. So in order to stick it out, he's going to have to start figuring out what he needs to do to increase his fanbase and energize voters.

So what's it going to take to get him to that 4th place finish? Or am I living in a Castroverse of my own delusions to think he can even finish that high?

Liz Lemon: McLovin, I'm not going to make bones about it, I hate the judges. I hate them each differently, yet equally. Normally I can put my disgust on the back burner whenever I'm entertained by their peculiar mummery (look it up). I have flashes of impatience whenever they praise one contestant for taking a risk and another for finding their niche. I get exasperated with their advice that cannot possibly lead to any constructive change. What do you do about sounding like a drunken uncle at a wedding exactly?

As our friend LaurieMae said today:

I hardly ever think the judges have anything constructive to say. Simon does on occasion, but Paula and Randy say the same meaningless stuff over and over. Bad song choice, bad arrangement, bad dancing, be true to yourself, step out of your comfort zone, it didn't do anything for me, I was waiting for that moment, you are a star, you are nervous, you're having a good time. What the hell does any of it mean?

All of that annoys. But today, my anger is very precisely aimed at their complete lack of preparation and woeful, possibly willful, ignorance of music in general.

Do you think that the judges should be characters we love to hate or should they be competent peers who can offer these kids sound direction? Is it too much to ask that these specific judges at least familiarize themselves with the songs that the contestants will perform? Could it be useful for them to be aware of the influences these kids draw from? Or is the judge supposed to represent some facet of the home viewer?

We know our opinions are not unique across the internet today.
We just really needed to get it out of our systems.


McLovin: Liz Lemon, I have a confession to make: I did not love Jason's performance of "Michelle" this week. The song? Loved? His tone and phrasing? Double loved; I've listened to the song probably 25 times already, and the show just ended a couple hours ago.

The problem is this: I can't WATCH him perform it. How can that be when (per Simon) it's his face that sold the song? Because Lord knows I love him and his face.

Liz Lemon: This was not my favorite performance, McLovin. It's the first time I was really aware of how little prior performance experience he has had. It left me wondering if he is going to be able to rise to the challenge and go from being a true amateur performer to a pro before he loses ground with the voters. Or is he just along for the ride?